Last night Anna and I had a conversation argument over baby names. Sure, it seems like a lame topic to argue over, but amongst the argument we tried to practice a healthy way of arguing by letting one person share their position first, while the other listens to their complete thought in order to respond after.

Anna went first, and as she shared slowly I began to get more and more annoyed. In fact I attempted to interrupt her twice, stopping myself in order to allow her to finish. There was something in me that knew this was right, but my body was not reacting to fondly to the practice. It was almost like my body was fighting itself and the toxicity of good practice mixed with a bad soul was getting the best of me and causing immense anxiety.

I think I have a problem. I don’t think to interrupt is natural. I don’t think that because I felt anxiety I should be allowed to raise the intensity of the conversation.

Listening is good. Having patience, and giving people freedom is good. The toxicity in my body is bad, and I don’t want it in there anymore.

I think this is what God means when he practices and asks us to practice forbearance.

There is ultimately a better reason for withholding. There is a good reason to not say what’s on your mind. Life is not better if we all react as we please. Our forbearance allows us to step back and truly understand the “why” and the “what” of a situation and live in a simple peace.

We are all filled with toxicity that has stemmed out of the “we want it now” mentality of individualism, and I am the worst.