It’s been about a month now that we have been in our new(est) place in Victoria and it’s been a challenge. I think what I did not foresee was how much we would miss our friends. We have been lucky enough to be able to get back into vancity for a few events, a holiday and a wonderful weekend in Birkenhead, but I think we would always itch for more interaction. More to say on this at another time.
What I am finding that is happening to me here in Victoria is that I am starting to feel up for going back to church again. I had a nice chat with a friend the other day about Victoria churches and I mentioned that what I think is holding me back at this point is that I don’t believe I will find what I am looking for… Basically I am looking for the open house. We’ve been back visiting a few more traditional set up churches, and although I wasn’t in the best place to get involved or even hang out there a little more often, I knew that I would never really be able to make my home in these environments.
But here I am today and I think I might be ready. It’s been a funny ride these past few years being out of a formal church community . I’ve been challenged to go back, challenged that I might not be a Christian anymore, felt the hurt of words of some of my closest friends as well as some of the joy, wondered what many people thought about my absence (this is my codependency), walked in…walked out, read some stuff that brings me back, read some stuff that makes me think I’ve left it all behind, felt confused, felt like I didn’t know what it all meant, wondered what I would tell my kids about my past, felt jealous about some of my friends that have made Christian leadership successful, felt angry at some of what I was taught and what I see others teaching, missed teaching deeply and I am sure there are so many others.
What I haven’t felt is regretful. What appears to be 8 of my last 10 years, was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had. Not speaking negative, or positive, just incredible.
So here I am in Victoria thinking about going back. (and those of you who know me, you know what I mean by going back).
But I am wondering, can I find another open house, or will I need to create one again?
That’s probably a scarier question…