This was my highlight of the olympic opening ceremonies. I have really enjoyed slam poetry since moving to the drive area in 2005. And this was brilliant.

Here is a good interview of Nick Fiedler author of the hopeful skeptic (which I am currently reading and which I may or may not have been mentioned about on pages 135-136 and in fact in this clip, I realize as I am writing this), who I met in the Bahamas back 2007. It’s cool that Project51 is making a difference if not just in the lives of the people we have blessed with it, but even in changing peoples view of the church. (Note to self: make a post on motion sickness and the open house about P51)

I am about halfway through the book and really enjoying it. I totally recommend it as a helpful book if you are going through a time of questioning the church and your faith.

I was wondering when a church became a “Church” and no longer a “church plant?” I think I now know. Okay maybe I don’t but I have some good practical evidence to prove that I am on to something. That might be what I have enjoyed more than anything else when it comes to this church and the discoveries, it’s that all of my conclusions are found through my experience. I can always use people or events to mark out our journey as a community.

In terms of my thoughts on becoming a church, some might say that it’s when your church has a certain number of programs, or people, or finally has a building or a regular gathering or money then you can say you are a “Church” and not just a “church plant.” Still I think there are others that hold onto the church plant posture for way too long and it’s probably some insecure way of avoiding failure. I know I have pondered this within myself. As long as I am a church plant, I can’t be expected to do “this or that.” You see what I mean?

But something deep within me has challenged my current church planting posture that involves always creating something and replaced it with a new one. So for next 3 months I am in what I might call a observing posture.

Now does an observing posture mean that we have arrived? By no means. We have not arrived as a church and I doubt we ever will and I mean this in the most encouraging way possible. Knowing that we will never arrive is actually quite comforting, but maturing on the other hand, I like to think we have at least moved in this direction.

I am sure you must be wondering what makes me believe that we have made the jump. Well it’s hard to explain. It can’t be the numbers, unless 15-20 counts. It can’t be the programs, unless one girls group or a mens time at a pub counts. It can’t be a building, unless meeting in a loud coffee shop counts, and since we give away 51% of our money we can’t really afford to look like a real church so I am not sure that counts either.

But for me it’s simple.

I am seeing connectedness. I am seeing people excited to be around each other. I am seeing people step up and try things that may or may not work. I am seeing people honestly share where they are at that might scare most church people and I keep seeing the same people show up over and over again, not just on Sunday’s, but in each others lives. I see a community planning events together and attempting to make a difference in the neighborhood. There is a community that has been created that looks out for each other and I am proud to say that to me that means we have become a church and not a group of random strangers trying to be or act like one.

Lastly, I just want to give one more reason. Of all the things that we are actively doing as a church community I am not officially leading any of them! Sure I speak once in a while on Sunday and help communicate to the group, but I have no official duty for the next 3 months. I see that as a victory and for me a great excitement as I take the next 3 months to observe and report. I’m going to Ob(serve) those actively making a difference practically in their faith and report to the whole church how the open house is for real and slowly but surely earning credibility in the community as church that gives away more than it keeps, as people continue to come and go very much like an open house.

Maybe it’s time to change the tagline. But this missional community is definitely walking in a Jesus direction.

Here are some great thoughts by my wife Anna. Enjoy and share your thoughts.

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The contemplative mind is really just the mind that emerges when you pray instead of think first. Praying opens the field and moves beyond fear and judgment and agenda and analysis, and just lets the moment be what it is—as it is. (Richard Rohr)

Let’s be honest, fear, judgment, and agendas are obvious. You’re not fooling anyone if you live with these things in your heart. If asked an honest person would tell you whether you sometimes come across threatening, judgmental, or overly concerned with getting your point across (if you’re married ask your spouse about these things). It’s as if all humans have a built in sixth sense of knowing when they are being treated out of fear and not love. Although the victim of these things cannot always articulate what they have felt imposed on them, they ultimately know deep down that they are being treated wrongly. A person my react by feeling smothered, misunderstood, trapped, and by forming judgments, fears, and agendas of their own. Conflict is always a two-way street.

The Beautiful Alternative…

A Prayerful Posture opens me up to God in a time of confrontation (fear and judgment are both postures we hold onto within confrontation). This opening gives me a sense of spaciousness (spaciousness is my new mantra these days). God has space for the mess (and frankly I don’t think God would call it “mess” – mess is only what I call the things I don’t like). Prayer opens me up to the Great Seer. God is the only one who truly sees. Ultimately, fear and judgment is my attempt to see what I was never meant to see, namely, the future and someone’s heart. An agenda is my attempt to carry out plans put in place based on fabricated seeing.

How free would I be if I really believed that I can’t see?

When I say I’m open-minded or an open person, how open am I really?

Do I secretly judge those close to me who call themselves “alternative and liberal thinkers”? If so, observe yourself when you enter in judgment towards someone who bugs you by how they differ from you. Observe what comes up and ask God to open you or unfurl you.

Relax today by knowing you don’t have to be the Great Seer.

I think when someone asks “who is the pastor” of a church, what they are really asking is “who is in charge.”

I might be presumptuous in saying that, but if you really thought about it, this is what many would be asking, especially if they were visiting this church for the first time. The same thing happens over time, especially in a church plant. Over time people look at the person “in charge” and label them pastor, and then put a lot of expectations on them. I may fear expectations, but the expectations that are generally placed on a person are not that fair, from my experience.

I have been thinking as well, whether it would be worth writing down the expectations people should have or not have on a church leader or pastor, in order to help others understand where their role (congregation) is and what the leader (pastor) is responsible for. The idea would then allow the leader freedom in their role. In fact a friend of mine asked me to look at a document like this, called a covenant, in order to give some of my own insight into such a thing. The problem is the document may start as a public document, but over time it gets hidden, forgotten, misinterpreted and then out of date. The idea is wonderful, but the truth is, unless there is a change in the culture in the church (and probably all churches) the stereotypical pastor role will not change despite any covenants we design or sign or post on our church walls.

I appreciate my friend who is working on this document, mainly because it really is the best idea we have right now. But for me, I need to think this through fully and not just create a document. In our situation a document will not free me up in my ministry… only freedom in Christ will.

Since there is so much transition in churches these days (a call of the times), there will always be people joining you coming from another church culture. It is almost as if churches need to be cross cultural in terms of their own sub-culture… pretty confusing I know.

So (optimistically) perhaps we can begin a change in culture. It might start with our small community of Jesus followers, but being part of the change is also the best place to be.

I think church people get nervous when they read this:

“Do not stop him,” Jesus said, “for whoever is not against you is for you.”

And I think they have avoided truly understanding this:

“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’” ‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them.

The first suggests that there are those people who may not ascribe to all of what Jesus teaches, but if they are doing what is good then they should be left alone… or even encouraged and learned from?

The second is even more vague. Jesus speaks of a farm that has weeds and wheat growing up together and suggests that we don’t pull the weeds, but let them grow together.

In both cases I believe control is the main issue. Jesus seems to want us to trust and release control. It is not our job to sort another persons motivation, but we should address our own.

It is not our job to remove the bad from the good (from our perspective), because we may remove some good in the process. And it’s pretty ego-centric to think that you know what is good and what is bad.

So what can we do?

We stop controlling. We learn how to be free. We trust. We have faith. We learn from everyone.

I think we have miss-read this passage:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

To test and approve we cannot conform. In order to not conform, we have to have be transformed. In order to be transformed, we need a renewed mind.

Let me translate: In order to be able to allow weeds and wheat grow together (learn from everyone) we need to see life as God sees it, not feel the need to control it. In order to not control we need to be able to observe ourselves and move forward in faith. In order to be move forward we need to rethink our whole self-centered outlook on life.

It all begins by addressing your ego.

“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

The more your ego has control in your life, the more you need to control, and the further away you are from truly learning from everyone.

I am 30 years old. Yes this is not new, in fact I am getting close to 31. And I am about to be a dad. (3 weeks from now). AND its 2009, ridiculous.

So my point is there is a lot of change going on in my life and in light of a post my friend James wrote a while back about determining the direction of his blog, I am beginning to ask myself the same question.

Is there anything you have appreciated about this blog?

Is there any specific topic that you would like me to cover more?

The truth is, I am not going to stop writing, as it is a great restful activity for me, but in light of these changes in my life and my desire to be more streamlined, I wanted to work through perhaps a new direction for this blog.

I was inspired reading jen lemen’s blog today. Not necessarily because I connect with her writing, but I connect with her passion for stories, her commitment to her writing and her consistency in her stories.

Perhaps this blog will be nothing more than a venting, random space for me, but maybe with a little inspiration it will be give me and perhaps someone some life… I think that’s my hope for this blog… life.

In light of this new year and the constant re-evaluation I find my self doing over and over, I thought I would consider some of my bad habits (because it seems that most resolutions come out of wanting to change bad habits), and how they have been developed by church planting. The truth is church planting can be one of the most rewarding and painful experiences you can have, and which end of the spectrum you end up on can depend on your wiring and how you make use of the time.

I am currently in the middle of year four, and have spent the last year working 4 days a week, while church planting officially for 2 days, with one day to make up the difference (I call that a Sabbath). This has allowed me to re-evaluate how i spent my time in the first 2 years as a full time church planter and the last year as a part time planter. These are by no means to be negatives, but observations and if you are a planter I would love to hear (or challenge you to write on your own blog) your top 5 bad habits as well.

So without further adieu here are the top 5 bad habits I have gained (or realized about myself) due to my life as a church planter.

5. a mis-understanding of time.

As a full-time planter I had all the time in the world. But I don’t think I embraced that time as a gift and instead I made time irrelevant. I ended up having too much free time and essentially I acted as if time didn’t exist. I now look back and realize how blessed I was when some sort of organized scheduled activity was instituted to me by my denomination, and how much freedom I had in the structure. A lot of people would say that I am a disciplined person who is great at time management, and to some degree that is true, but without a good structure in place as a church planter you can ignore its significance and become extremely lazy without even knowing it. And it is my sentiment that there are a lot of lazy church planters out there, who complain about being tired, having too much to do and have no idea of the concept of time.

4. i’m not as good at multi-tasking as i may have thought.

This of course could relate to #5 as my now tight schedule has made me realize that i can’t do all that i did when i was full time. But the truth is i either have to be working, or be pastoring and if i try to do both at the same time i do neither very well. Switching from pastoring to working is not a simple switch. It’s like moving from one side of the brain to the other (in the case of my work as a risk management consultant). The bi-vocational life (in its purest form) is dependent on a true multi-tasking brain. I now realize how important it is to help those in my community make the transition. It is my hope that all of life could be more holistic and less about changing over, but the truth is that there is a transition from working life to the spiritual life in terms of activity.

3. Accountability (mentorship) is necessary.

I was given incredible freedom as a full-time planter and believe that it was the freedom that led to some really exciting personal discoveries and church planting discoveries, but now as a bi-vocational pastor i realize that with a little more guidance and accountability I could have accomplished so much more. I am starting to think that #5 spurs on all the rest of these habits, but the truth is I don’t think being officially accountable only to yourself (even if you are relatively healthy in your activity) will allow you to grow or be all that you can. A good mentor (weekly) with a goal tracking or action taking system in place would have been amazing. I had mentors that checked in regularly, but it was more loose and because we were trying some new things I am not sure if they knew exactly how to lead me. I don’t blame them, but i think i am in a much better position now to know what i need. To go further (as per #1) I wish that I had a mentor that was a teammate.

2. I am lacking spiritual disciplines.

When you have all day to pray, read your bible, write and visit, counsel, prepare messages, dream about mission and a vision for the future you don’t realize how hard it is to turn that on when your time is not open/ free. I realize more and more that it takes me an hour just to get into the frame of mind to practice any discipline and that is 1 hour I just don’t have any more. I realize more and more that what I hope for my own community (who work just as much, if not more than me) is not as easy as it may seem. I now struggle to practice the disciplines that before was a way of life, most likely because I wasn’t living a realistic way of life. I wish I was more structured in my spiritual disciplines.

1. I was lonely and became a loner in the process.

This is something that I am being very transparent about, but now that I work more and pastor less (time wise), I have never really learned how to rest in friendship. Most of my time was either spent alone, or with people that i was getting to know, or working through church stuff with and I wondered why I would end up retreating by myself and more and more as the time went on. I didn’t think I was an introverted person, but by spending enough time alone or in work/ hanging out circumstances I became introverted and now find myself struggling to find true friendship, and making less and less an effort to do so (especially when you live in a city where the average person leaves after 2 years). I used to find rest in my buds back in Ontario, but since moving to BC I haven’t found that (moments for sure, and even some recent prospects), and I am recommending to all present and future church planters that if you move to a new city to start a church, try and find some good friends or bring some with you. Friends that aren’t necessarily part of your church, and friends that will be a good listening board and will keep you from becoming a loner, which seems to be the path of the church planter from my experience. No wonder we (church planters) tend to start churches over and over and never stay in the same place.

Well there they are. If you do decide to write your own list of bad habits, please let me know and I would love to hear your stories in the comments as well.

My friend James posted a link to an old post of mine that as I sit here in Victoria had me thinking.

I wonder how much further I have truly thought about these thoughts on creating community.

One of the things that i struggle with is reviewing the past. Whether it’s reading a book I have read once before or opening some old journals to see where I have come from. This is something that I have been poor at for most of my life. Everything seems to be centred around “new” or forward for me. Even as I look at my resolution from last year (to read 4 books a month, of which I believe I am only at 22/48) I can see my desire to keep moving forward to achieve, versus reflecting and learning from my experiences.

Our church has been through 3 months of transition. One of my goals for this holiday is to think through these past 3 months and learn from it. I am having a trouble reflecting, and I am wanting to try something new and forward.

I believe my desire to always move forward if harnessed well can be effective in visioning the future, but without an understanding of the past we will continue to make the same mistakes and never truly move forward. Our forward progress will always be met with resistance and probably 3 steps back for every 2 steps forward… and yes as a former engineer that is movement backwards, not forward.

I was thinking about Jeremy Williams on the Maple Leafs today and how he has scored 5 goals in 7 games since being called up from the minors and how in the past he has been called up 2 other times and has scored in the first game of each of the those call ups, and yet the Leafs continue to send him back to the farm team despite this fact.

I wonder how important the past is to him…

3 times up to the Leafs, 3 goals in 3 first games after each call up, and possibly 3 times sent back to the minors.

Or perhaps he lives in the moment. His understanding of the past is not that he keeps getting bad breaks, but instead he remembers how awesome it was to score a NHL goal of which thousands upon thousands of players never experience.

I wonder if I was to review the past I would feel a sense of bad breaks and failure. I wonder if I looked over an old journal post I would realize all I said I would do and haven’t.

I wonder if I read that book again I would remember some greats thoughts that would have come in handy a month ago and feel like a bad leader.

I wonder…

Perhaps that’s the problem.

My assumptions are killing me.

We had a great chat at toh on Sunday on our doubt night and I want to make a quick comment about one of the questions concerning whether verbal affirmation/ belief of the message of Jesus is adequate to consider oneself saved.

Maybe it was something in the reading of this passage or the understanding of the context, but when we read from Acts 4:12 concerning salvation found only in Jesus and Romans 10 that we must confess Jesus as Lord I was floored with the implications.

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

This was a statement the citizens in any area conquered by Caesar had to say about Caesar revealing the authority and allegiance that the Roman empire required. And to deny this statement meant certain death. So we have good ol’ Peter utilizing this statement:

Acts 4:8-13 – Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. He is
” ‘the stone you builders rejected,
which has become the capstone. Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.”

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

So any time you confessed in this way that Jesus was Lord you were pretty much asking to die.

Romans 10:9-13 – That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

The statement Jesus is Lord is a direct rip off of Caesar is Lord and is a statement Caesar would have used and required the public to state. Yet in this context it is used in connection to Jesus. If you are going to confess Jesus as Lord, you are making a statement that gives the Roman government the right to kill you. I think Jesus said something about taking up your cross in order to follow him…

Today we can confess with no implications. We can confess and we end up getting more stuff! It’s a nice addition to your life. A little heaven and some purpose.

It was my professor who said to me in seminary that “we need people to stop learning how to live for Jesus and more people who are willing to die for Jesus.”

So if you really believe this Christian message that we read in the Bible and experience in this life I dare you to confess this message… and die.