Am I deceived or is this it?

I sometimes wonder if I deceive myself.

I have some good goals for my professional life, but I currently do not have the motivation to do them. And I wonder (philosophical question here) if I really do not own these goals, but instead I have false-self goals that are really my ego telling me I have things to do, goals to strive for, in order to let others know that I can do more than work a day job and look after my kids.

Truthfully I am finding hard to do anything these days that doesn’t involve working and hanging with my boys. And although “hanging with my boys” sounds nice, I have been distant in that regard too. Finding myself quick to let Jude watch another video, instead of creating a new game to play with him or utilizing some games that he already has.

It is usually at this point that I might ask the question of what it might take to break out of this funk, but honestly I wonder if it is a false funk. I wonder if I am actually not in a funk, and I really don’t want to accomplish any of those goals. Or maybe I do believe I can accomplish these goals…

…Then again, maybe I fear failure.

Ok this is getting too deep.

I think I liked it better when I needed surface level advise of how to get motivated… but who is kidding who, that will not help it will only suspend the real issues… whatever those issues are.

It’s time to do some work on myself…

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One Response to Am I deceived or is this it?

  1. David says:

    Most of us go through times where we have reached our goals and need to discover new ones that will be worthwhile, challenging and make us feel excited to carry on again. Best of all, these do not necessarily mean shortchanging or ignoring our family and friends. It is hard to go through a downer period while we get inspired to come up with the new ideas that it will take to make us feel life is exciting again. This is also a bit of a dreary time of year with shorter days, poor weather and less sunlight.
    Take heart Kyle. We all know you are an eternal optimist or you would have given up on the Leafs years ago!

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