false-self, meet real-self

In 2005 I moved to Commercial Drive.

I moved here specifically to start a church.

I moved to “The Drive” specifically because of what I had heard and what I had seen in my visits to this neighbourhood. The people in this area appeared to have a lot more social awareness and care for the community. Since our plan was always to point God out to people we met (as opposed to bring God to them) I thought what a great chance to join in with these people and work together. And perhaps, in some mysterious way, start a church in the process.

But I learned something about myself along the way.

I learned that I wasn’t as socially aware as I thought myself to be. My false self was the most socially active person you had ever met and was very caring for others in all ways possible. Of course my real self never lived up to that expectation.

Sure I did a few things here and there, but my real self could never live up to the hype my false self created. I kind of picture it like someone meeting someone else for the first time after learning about them exclusively from their facebook profile.

I could go off on a tangent and give you all examples of how the perception of Commercial Drive was pretty false as well, but i’ll keep this post personal for now.

If I was to do it over again, I would have done a lot more work on myself. More work figuring out who I truly was and not assume I was the person I posted on my facebook profile. And I would have done that work before I moved here and chose a place to start a church. I think I actually chose the place the represented my ideal self and not who I actually was. (Not that you can’t go to a place with people different from you, but I thought they were the same and they weren’t, hence my dilemma). Even now as my wife and I dream about a business we might want to start one day, I am happy I have begun to do the work on myself. I have begun to see who I really am and know myself.

If you really looked deep into yourself, do you truly know the difference between who you think you are and who you really are?

I am starting to get there…

…and its painful.

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3 Responses to false-self, meet real-self

  1. Alastair says:

    Have you read Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning? My counselor went through that book with me to help me identify my ‘imposter’ (Mannings’s false self) and my real self. What was surprising to me was that I didn’t have to kill my imposter through self hatred or excessive devotion to change, but rather I had to, and still have to love my imposter.

  2. Kyle says:

    Yeah awesome. To kill it would be to become it again. I totally agree that we must see it for what it is… but i am not sure if I would love it.

  3. Alastair says:

    Manning connects it to the idea of loving our enemies (I think…)

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