I watched a short video from CTV on Canada and our national identity in light of the current olympics in Vancouver and something hit a chord with me. Maybe living here in Vancouver is the reason for its connection, but I have realized something about my life motivation, specifically in light of the church I started a short 4 years ago.
Something has happened to me over the years. I have learned a lot about myself, my motivation and my direction. But today I am a little stuck. I am in new territory. I have come through some larger issues, understandings and realizations only to find myself on the other side not knowing what’s next.
I had a great chat with another church planter friend yesterday, who more than anything else, allowed me to vocalize some of my current thoughts and stresses. It was in this time that I realized that I am officially in unchartered territory and the reason for this is that I no longer have a unifying idea of why I have done this in the first place. You see I have realized that my reason for starting this church in the first place was a “reaction” of sorts. It was a chance to start something originally canadian, and although that still may be true, the truth is I didn’t know what authentically canadian was due in part to a lack of examples and so I instead (perhaps unknowingly) decided to create something “anti” what I knew and struggled against.
I was never vicious, or blatantly against any one style, but instead found motivation from being different. And now I see all the methods, styles, types of churches, groups, gatherings very differently. I find goodness in them all, I find God in all of them and I am not sure if I know now what I am “for” after for so long being sure of what I was against. But today I am quite free from critique, but the funny thing is, this freedom has put me in a peculiar place.
In this video from CTV’s Steven Brunt he suggests that being sure of what we against as a national identity is changing.
And maybe Shane Koyczan said it best in his Opening Ceremony Poem…
“we are choices.”
And perhaps that is where I need to start;
…all over again.