After having a wonderful holiday in Tennessee and Alabama, Anna and I returned back to Vancouver to a life of major decisions and an interrupted rhythm of life.

Before we left for our little holiday we had slowly moved into a good rhythm of work, life and people and had even made a couple major decisions with our future in Vancouver, but after 9 days of relaxing, contemplating and spending time with friends we came back with varied success at getting back into it. We made a major decision 2 days after we arrived home, and after a week of trying to personally get back into the flow, I am really struggling to find my rhythm.

I don’t think it is supposed to be that easy, that you can go away on holiday and come back like nothing ever happened and move right back into the routine. In fact I think that if you do come back and everything is back to normal there is something terribly wrong. If we don’t attempt to mess up the status quo in our lives, whether it’s asking good questions or taking a reflective holiday I think we broach the subject of insignificance. Uneasiness in life, and uncertainty in the decisions we make are a part of human maturity. It seems to me that when I reject or push away this feeling of uncertainty in my life I am actually hindering my development as a person for the sake of comfort…or perhaps numbness.

And for me, this is where discipline comes to play. We need to be disciplined enough in our lives to move forward. Sometimes I can get set on the idea of discipline as something that will help me get more in shape, eat better, and work harder, but I think it has a lot more to do with personal development and spiritual formation.

When we equate discipline strictly to the physical (eat, workout, sleep) we miss what our mind needs to stay sharp and to move us in our maturity from making decisions out of ignorance. As we make the effort to discipline ourselves to think about our own personal development, and formation of our spiritual nature I think we begin to lead a more developed, harmonized lifestyle.

That to say (as I still try and flesh this thought out) that I think we need to live in waves of uncertainty, risk, and discipline in order to develop truly into whoever God wants us to be.

And right now I really want to be safe…but I know I don’t.